How to Live with a Twilighter: A Man's Survival Guide

As I watch the screen of my computer, an excited squeak bubbles up and almost escapes my lips as I gaze at a new picture of Taylor Lautner filming on the set of Eclipse. Then I stop and catch myself, realizing that the other love of my life is sitting there playing video games, a mere 15ft away. I figure I better not start gushing or it'll alert him and he'll wonder what in the world I'm doing drooling here like a teenager. Guys - have you not exhaled a breath of frustration over the silly giddiness that your girlfriend/wife has displayed over this dumb Twilight madness? Well look no further, I'm about to decode this crazy behavior and make your lives a bit easier:

More Guy Time: Although it seems that we gush and rant about Twilight all the time, it doesn't mean that you have to sit there and give us your undivided attention. Just throw us a nod and mumble, "that's great" and get to something you're much more interested in! For my husband, I think he can safely assume that when I'm reading or on the computer surfing the Twilight wave it's safe to start playing video games, knowing that I'll be in my own world for awhile. So think of it as a golden opportunity to have more time to yourselves to do whatever you want. (Hello? What could be sweeter?)

Prevent the Cheating: I know this is kind of a lame excuse, but when your wife or girlfriend is staring at hot Twilight guys, aren't you the teeny, tiniest bit relieved that at least it's a fictional character, and not another man? Our lusting over guys in books and movies is done safely at home in our own little fantasy world, and not in some bar or strip club, at least.

Happy Ladies Equal Happy Homes: Come on, if someone were to offer you a choice between living with a grouchy, frustrated woman or a content, vibrant one, wouldn't it be a no-brainer? When we let our fantasies loose and give in to the emotions involved with loving a book character or movie star, it makes for one happy lady. Think of it as someone else doing half the work for you.

Fitting the Budget: Finally, if any of these reasons aren't convincing enough for you, maybe this one will. Being a Twilight fan is relatively cheap! This is not a hobby that requires purchasing an absurd amount of money on equipment, supplies, or membership fees. A book costs an average ten bucks, and can last us quite awhile. And even if we do end up reading it in one sitting, at least it'll still be there to read again later! Throw in some fan merchandise here and there along with a movie outing, and we're good to go! You have to admit this can't hurt your wallet too much... and just what will you do with all that extra money??

So sit tight and be reassured, oh companion of the Twilight fan, that although this mania may seem absurd at times, it is really good for the two of you. And one last thing - you'll never be in a bind when it comes to figuring out what to buy for us. Life just couldn't get any simpler...

... this blog is dedicated to my husband Shawn, who is understanding enough to let me reenact my teenage years when that squeak of delight does ocassionally come out! Thanks, hon.

Older Women Can Love Twilight, Too (gosh, dangit!)

You would generally not find me watching the Teen Choice Awards. Nor shopping at Hot Topic, for that matter. But suddenly, like a satellite out of orbit, I'm doing these things! What in the world could drive a 35 year old wife and mother of a preschooler to such a teen like frenzy? Cue Edward Cullen and Jacob Black, two otherwise normal highschoolers who somehow have gripped the hearts of females young and old alike. But what makes the more mature Twilight fan special in our own rights? Here's why we may be the driving force behind the Twilight train:

Mature Fans Bring Mature Bank Accounts: Cha-ching! Do you hear that? It's the sound of another dime being dropped on Twilight merchandise. Only it's not a dime, more like twenty bucks. With a franchise and a huge popularity backing, all those Twilight goodies do not come cheap. Enter the average working woman - she might not mind paying a little extra for the blu-ray versus the dvd. And she's got to represent both Team Edward & Team Jacob with two t-shirts, right? It's probably a good bet to say that if there's money being spent, it's women - not girls - who may behind it.

Robbing the Cradle: There may be some questionable age concerns when it comes to older women drooling over the two main hunks in this series. After all, Robert Pattinson is only 23 and Taylor Lautner a mere 17 years old! But are we more in love with the actors, or the characters they portray? Edward's true life has been closer to 104 years, which brings maturity and a sense of independence to the table. Not to mention those killer one-liners he delivers. You won't find your average highschooler uttering phrases like "You are my life now." And although Jacob really has only been on this earth for 16 years, his sense of duty and responsibility that comes along with being in the wolfpack adds a sort of timelessness to him that any woman could drool for - I mean admire!

Keeping it in the Family: I am amazed to see how many mothers and daughters have come together over Twilight. You see them at the movie together, equally as excited; they'll be at Hot Topic picking out t-shirts (mom buying, of course.) When it comes down to it, it's good, clean fun. The book series can be found in the young adult section of the bookstore, so there's no reason why moms and daughters can't share the books. And the movie being PG-13 only gets as steamy as a kiss, so moms don't have to fret too much over letting their daughters watch it. There's no feeling that equals the excitement a mother and daughter feel over sharing the same hobby. And it's a great excuse for some girls only time! If that's not bonding I don't know what is.

But Still Being Baaaaaddd....: There is a flip side to all these warm, fuzzy feelings, though. I mean, what's the sense in being good, if you can't be a little bad? The more mature Twilight fan has been practically waiting for something of this nature to come along in their lives. Vampires have always exuded a sense of mystery and intrigue, but then bam! The men of Twilight arrive and vampires instantly become - well, sexy! Not only that, but dangerous as well. There is a sensual thrill out of being with someone who is always on the brink of sucking the life out of you, but simply wanting to be with you more. Twilight gives the older woman a chance to break out the norm and do something daring!

So after listing all these great reasons why an adult woman would love Twilight, what sane woman wouldn't want to join this craze? It's a chance to be a little immature, let loose, and mostly just enjoy the ride with all the rest of us girls.