Monday, September 14, 2009

How to Live with a Twilighter: A Man's Survival Guide


As I watch the screen of my computer, an excited squeak bubbles up and almost escapes my lips as I gaze at a new picture of Taylor Lautner filming on the set of Eclipse. Then I stop and catch myself, realizing that the other love of my life is sitting there playing video games, a mere 15ft away. I figure I better not start gushing or it'll alert him and he'll wonder what in the world I'm doing drooling here like a teenager. Guys - have you not exhaled a breath of frustration over the silly giddiness that your girlfriend/wife has displayed over this dumb Twilight madness? Well look no further, I'm about to decode this crazy behavior and make your lives a bit easier:

More Guy Time: Although it seems that we gush and rant about Twilight all the time, it doesn't mean that you have to sit there and give us your undivided attention. Just throw us a nod and mumble, "that's great" and get to something you're much more interested in! For my husband, I think he can safely assume that when I'm reading or on the computer surfing the Twilight wave it's safe to start playing video games, knowing that I'll be in my own world for awhile. So think of it as a golden opportunity to have more time to yourselves to do whatever you want. (Hello? What could be sweeter?)

Prevent the Cheating: I know this is kind of a lame excuse, but when your wife or girlfriend is staring at hot Twilight guys, aren't you the teeny, tiniest bit relieved that at least it's a fictional character, and not another man? Our lusting over guys in books and movies is done safely at home in our own little fantasy world, and not in some bar or strip club, at least.

Happy Ladies Equal Happy Homes: Come on, if someone were to offer you a choice between living with a grouchy, frustrated woman or a content, vibrant one, wouldn't it be a no-brainer? When we let our fantasies loose and give in to the emotions involved with loving a book character or movie star, it makes for one happy lady. Think of it as someone else doing half the work for you.

Fitting the Budget: Finally, if any of these reasons aren't convincing enough for you, maybe this one will. Being a Twilight fan is relatively cheap! This is not a hobby that requires purchasing an absurd amount of money on equipment, supplies, or membership fees. A book costs an average ten bucks, and can last us quite awhile. And even if we do end up reading it in one sitting, at least it'll still be there to read again later! Throw in some fan merchandise here and there along with a movie outing, and we're good to go! You have to admit this can't hurt your wallet too much... and just what will you do with all that extra money??

So sit tight and be reassured, oh companion of the Twilight fan, that although this mania may seem absurd at times, it is really good for the two of you. And one last thing - you'll never be in a bind when it comes to figuring out what to buy for us. Life just couldn't get any simpler...

... this blog is dedicated to my husband Shawn, who is understanding enough to let me reenact my teenage years when that squeak of delight does ocassionally come out! Thanks, hon.

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