Rob as Spiderman? --NOT!--

Although I love my RPatz, I gotta admit that when news first reached me that he was being considered to replace Tobey Maguire for the role of Spiderman, I was totally and utterly shocked. Every cell in my body revolts! My head mutters "no, no, don't do it!" Here are my top five reasons why:

#5 I don't think I could stand to see the sight of him and Kirsten Dunst together. Ugh! I may just gag during a kiss scene. This will just feed more flame to my "I don't like Kirsten Dunst fire." I'm telling you, I am even having difficulty seeing him kiss that other actress in "Remember Me"! He should only be kissing Bella! (I'm such a Twilight-moron...)

#4 Rob is known for his slightly out-there roles. Not some mega, superstar, comic book character! I like him because his parts in movies are kinda artsy, and atypical. You cannot fit Robert into a square peg! Hello, the main reason why he fits playing a vampire so well is because he is just good at being "different"??

#3 He can't look dorky. Hey, I am defending him here against all the Rob-haters/Team Jacob freaks! Isn't Peter Parker supposed to be some nerdy photographer who hides behind his camera all the time? It's in the eyes, I'm telling you - Toby was good at the wide-eyed, innocent look. But Robert, oh my, Robert's eyes are.... well let's just say that there's a reason why there's a site devoted to him called "His Golden Eyes". To call it smoldering wouldn't be doing it justice! Now if there was a super hero that could kill with looks...

#2 The hair - what would we do with his hair? If I recall correctly, Peter Parker has this pasty, Ken doll hairstyle. No, no, no - Rob can't have that! His hair just naturally goes.... up! The only time I saw his hair down was for that indie film where it was really long. Otherwise, it just has that natural oomph. And don't forget, he's constantly fluffing his hair up subconsciously!

#1 DUDE CAN'T RUN!!! (Much less swing from web-to-web!) I love Rob, but he is just not athletically superior enough to take this role on. In the cast interviews for Twilight his costars all voted him the least athletic, and even joked about his running resembling that of a mountain goat! That was also obvious in Alice's vision in New Moon where he is chasing Bella. He's got one of those stiff, I-don't-normally-run kind of gaits. And when he was getting pummeled by Felix, he managed to look graceful enough to dodge his attacks, but that's about it. Once Felix caught him in his iron grip, Rob just looked very young, as if he were gripping a little boy! So no, I just can't see Rob beating up the bad guys, if ya know what I mean...

Don't get me wrong, if indeed he does become the next Spiderman, I will support him as usual. Of course I will go see the movie! But if I could talk to the producers I would tell them to leave Rob alone and go find their own Peter Parker, cuz he is OUR Edward! :P